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    "text": "\"... thanks to a lawsuit that we can’t discuss and probably never even happened, we have formalized our promotion and tenure criteria so that everyone can be held to the same nearly impossible standard.\"\n#RyanWeber\n@mcsweeneys.net \n#academia \nwww.mcsweeneys.net/articles/int...",
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        "title": "Introducing Our University’s New, Totally Reasonable Criteria for Promotion and Tenure",
        "description": "Since the founding of our august institution, we have awarded promotion and tenure based on how many pages of your research we could read before fa..."
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